As moms, we get the scraps.
As I made my kids a pancake breakfast this morning, I had a big realization. My kids asked for "cat" and "mickey" pancakes, so after I took the cakes off the griddle, I used a cookie cutter to make the exact pancakes they asked for.
As I prepped their plates, removed the excess pancake from the plate for their picture-perfect breakfast, I decided to make a plate for myself. After all, I deserve to eat too right?
So, I took the scraps.
As my kids ate their beautifully curated insta-worthy organic protein pancakes, I looked down at my scraps and felt my heart sink.
We give everything, everywhere, to everyone except ourselves.
But what's even crazier, I would feel guilty if I tossed the scraps and made myself an "actual" pancake.
Beyond breakfast, this is how so many of us operate. We take the scraps in every aspect of our lives. We accept the breadcrumbs as if they will sustain us. The truth is, we're starving.
Starving for love
Starving for change
Starving for wholeness
We accept the bare minimum and tell ourselves "this is just how it is." It breaks my heart that society echoes this as something that's normal. We see hashtags like #momlife and we see funny memes about how everything is practically on fire and mom is standing there disheveled saying "it's ok." Motherhood is a culture.
But this "culture" is one that seems purely made of sacrifice, burnout, heartache, struggle, and frustration backed by poor coping mechanisms rather than joy, self-acceptance, excitement, rest, and balance. It's a club you don't understand until you're in it, yet there's so much comparison and jealousy and it keeps us low.
Don't. Settle. For. Scraps.
Yet, society is not structured for a mom to have more. Working moms are expected to work a 40 hour week and also be a full time mom. And the truth is, that's the only option. We don't get a choice.
Stay at home moms are expected to be perfect pinterest moms with perfectly clean homes, crafts at the ready, and give themselves up completely to be the "best mom" And God forbid a SAHM wants to go out and do something away from their kids...
They say "it takes a village" and the village is nowhere to be found. Society is not setup to support moms. Period. Not all of us have the luxury of a village. We are conditioned to do it all ourselves, and sometimes life doesn't allow us to grow our village in the way that would truly support us.
If you've been living off scraps, you need to hear and receive what I'm about to say...
...You have to start nourishing yourself where you can.
And I'll level with you, its going to suck. I have to do MORE? Yes. You have to make an effort to get the "nourishment" you need. You might have to wake up a bit earlier when you're dying for sleep so you can get 20 min alone before you have to put on the mom hat. It means you have to actively create goals for yourself and your health and your wellness. It means making the uncomfortable call to a friend or family member to ask for help with the kids so you can rest.
You may never get the support and the space you need to "lighten the load." It's a hard truth.
But knowing that, how do you want to show up for yourself? Do you want to keep accepting scraps and pretend like everything is okay, or do what you can to focus on yourself a bit more so you can show up a bit more powerfully for your kiddos, and more importantly, yourself?
You can just accept that you don't get any free time for yourself, or you can choose to create the time.
It's possible, but it requires some reprioritizing and some decision-making.
But there's beauty in that: refusing scraps is a choice. It's up to you mama.